Friday, June 27, 2008
Some Interesting News From North Korea
It is official....North Korea is now no longer apart of the "Axis of Evil"
Good ol' W has taken them off the sanctions list and as a token of appreciation they have blown up a reactor (which was prob old and abandoned)
Not that they were prob every a real threat to begin with...Maybe now Kim Jong-il and "W" can watch westerns together!
Saturday, June 21, 2008
SOOOO FUNNY!
Margaret Cho's oh so funny take on some common misconceptions and hilarious idiosyncrasies surrounding Asian Americans.
Had to share....Laughed too hard not too...deal with it!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Mother's Day
In honor of Mothers day tomorrow I decided to post this funny forward and video. Mom's Are awesome, especially mine!
Planning on Having Kids?
Do this 15-step program first:
Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.
Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already
are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's
breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it, because it will be the last time in your life you will have all
the answers.
Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel....
1. get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living
room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12
pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing
loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and
go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag,
until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink
and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work
hard and be productive) Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years.
Look cheerful and together.
Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out..
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there
all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How
does that look?
Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms
hang out. Time allowed for this - all morning.
Lesson 6
1. Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint,
turn it into an alligator.
2. Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch
tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas
candle.
3. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet
of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
Lesson 7
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van.
And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and
shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove
compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them
into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them
with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Lesson 8
1. Get ready to go out.
2. Sit on the floor of your bathroom reading picture books for half
an hour.
3. Go out the front door.
4. Come in again. Go out.
5. Come back in.
6. Go out again.
7. Walk down the front path.
8. Walk back up it.
9. Walk down it again.
10. Walk very slowly down the sidewalk for five minutes.
11. Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every
cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect
along the way.
12. Retrace your steps.
13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the
neighbors come out and stare at you.
14. Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
Lesson 9
Repeat everything you have learned at least (if not more than) five times.
Lesson 10
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you
can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is also excellent).
If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more
than one goat.
Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your
sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate
having children.
Lesson 11
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into
the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the
air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month old baby.
Lesson 12
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street, Barney,
Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's "Noggin"?) Exactly the point.
Lesson 13
Move to the tropics. Find or make a compost pile. Dig down about halfway
and stick your nose in it. Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.
Lesson 14
1. Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying "mommy" repeatedly.
(Important: no more than a four second delay between each "mommy"; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required).
2. Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years.
3. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Lesson 15
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the "mommy" tape made from Lesson 14 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
Lesson 16
Trying to go out on a Date
First, wait until you have a cold with a runny nose and then take your favorite little black dress and wipe your nose on the back of at least one shoulder…use both shoulders if you plan to have 2 children. The resulting slug trail should be just visible to everyone, except you when you look in the mirror. Then add a little pre-digested formula to the area; this will guarantee that extra special spit-up fragrance for a little bit later in the night. Practice looking surprised when someone with a wrinkled up nose says “Do you smell something?”
Next, stick your finger in an electric socket…your hair will never look any better than that. You can of course try to practice blow drying and curling it with aforementioned 15# sack attached and pulling on your dress, and the tape playing from lesson #14 over and over, but then you must add the runny nose trails to the bottom of your dress as well.
Throw away your eye and lip pencils and any makeup that requires precision to administer. Chances are probably pretty good they will be worn down to the wood since your 4-year old will use them to color the Church Bulletin when the Pastor goes a little long winded on Sunday. If you insist on trying, when you are finished you will be taking the chance that you look like Bette Davis in “What ever Happened to Baby Jane”.
As soon as you get to the restaurant, have your cell phone ring and your babysitter inform you that the baby won’t stop crying and the 4 year old is saying that she has to poop, but “it’s stuck”. Have the cell phone ring with the same message every 15 minutes. As soon as your dinner arrives apologize to your friends, tell the waiter you’ll take your dinner to go and head for home. Arrive home to find the house quiet since both baby and the 4 year old are now asleep. Practice making Martinis at home.
Planning on Having Kids?
Do this 15-step program first:
Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.
Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already
are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's
breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it, because it will be the last time in your life you will have all
the answers.
Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel....
1. get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living
room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12
pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing
loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and
go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag,
until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink
and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work
hard and be productive) Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years.
Look cheerful and together.
Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out..
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there
all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How
does that look?
Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms
hang out. Time allowed for this - all morning.
Lesson 6
1. Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint,
turn it into an alligator.
2. Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch
tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas
candle.
3. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet
of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
Lesson 7
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van.
And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and
shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove
compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them
into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them
with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Lesson 8
1. Get ready to go out.
2. Sit on the floor of your bathroom reading picture books for half
an hour.
3. Go out the front door.
4. Come in again. Go out.
5. Come back in.
6. Go out again.
7. Walk down the front path.
8. Walk back up it.
9. Walk down it again.
10. Walk very slowly down the sidewalk for five minutes.
11. Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every
cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect
along the way.
12. Retrace your steps.
13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the
neighbors come out and stare at you.
14. Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
Lesson 9
Repeat everything you have learned at least (if not more than) five times.
Lesson 10
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you
can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is also excellent).
If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more
than one goat.
Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your
sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate
having children.
Lesson 11
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into
the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the
air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month old baby.
Lesson 12
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street, Barney,
Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's "Noggin"?) Exactly the point.
Lesson 13
Move to the tropics. Find or make a compost pile. Dig down about halfway
and stick your nose in it. Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.
Lesson 14
1. Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying "mommy" repeatedly.
(Important: no more than a four second delay between each "mommy"; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required).
2. Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years.
3. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Lesson 15
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the "mommy" tape made from Lesson 14 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
Lesson 16
Trying to go out on a Date
First, wait until you have a cold with a runny nose and then take your favorite little black dress and wipe your nose on the back of at least one shoulder…use both shoulders if you plan to have 2 children. The resulting slug trail should be just visible to everyone, except you when you look in the mirror. Then add a little pre-digested formula to the area; this will guarantee that extra special spit-up fragrance for a little bit later in the night. Practice looking surprised when someone with a wrinkled up nose says “Do you smell something?”
Next, stick your finger in an electric socket…your hair will never look any better than that. You can of course try to practice blow drying and curling it with aforementioned 15# sack attached and pulling on your dress, and the tape playing from lesson #14 over and over, but then you must add the runny nose trails to the bottom of your dress as well.
Throw away your eye and lip pencils and any makeup that requires precision to administer. Chances are probably pretty good they will be worn down to the wood since your 4-year old will use them to color the Church Bulletin when the Pastor goes a little long winded on Sunday. If you insist on trying, when you are finished you will be taking the chance that you look like Bette Davis in “What ever Happened to Baby Jane”.
As soon as you get to the restaurant, have your cell phone ring and your babysitter inform you that the baby won’t stop crying and the 4 year old is saying that she has to poop, but “it’s stuck”. Have the cell phone ring with the same message every 15 minutes. As soon as your dinner arrives apologize to your friends, tell the waiter you’ll take your dinner to go and head for home. Arrive home to find the house quiet since both baby and the 4 year old are now asleep. Practice making Martinis at home.
Friday, May 9, 2008
My Family's Passion
Ok Folks,
If you want to know about me and my family this video says so much!
For many years my family has been concerned with and advocated for children in at risk situations. Through the course of many years we have been blessed beyond all measure to have adopted both domestically and internationally four times.
(Right now we are currently struggling to bring Sophie from Vietnam home before the country closes down. More on that later.)
My mother in order to raise awareness of the growing orphan crisis, created this small video. It is not a disconnected collection of random pictures but real live families who we have been blessed to personally know. If you look close you will also see some of my siblings as well ;-)
This video communicates better then I could the passion that my family has for orphaned and displaced children.
I believe that we are commanded as Christian's to care for these children not asked nicely. This belief sometimes offends people which always astounds me. (I want to say spend some time in a Chinese orphanage or African AIDS clinic and tell me how these beautiful children should not be offended at your selfishness and indifference.)
I do not say this out loud however...
It is my hope that every who possibly can will open there hearts and homes to these children. Those who do soon realize that these children often save you as much as you save them.
If you want to know about me and my family this video says so much!
For many years my family has been concerned with and advocated for children in at risk situations. Through the course of many years we have been blessed beyond all measure to have adopted both domestically and internationally four times.
(Right now we are currently struggling to bring Sophie from Vietnam home before the country closes down. More on that later.)
My mother in order to raise awareness of the growing orphan crisis, created this small video. It is not a disconnected collection of random pictures but real live families who we have been blessed to personally know. If you look close you will also see some of my siblings as well ;-)
This video communicates better then I could the passion that my family has for orphaned and displaced children.
I believe that we are commanded as Christian's to care for these children not asked nicely. This belief sometimes offends people which always astounds me. (I want to say spend some time in a Chinese orphanage or African AIDS clinic and tell me how these beautiful children should not be offended at your selfishness and indifference.)
I do not say this out loud however...
It is my hope that every who possibly can will open there hearts and homes to these children. Those who do soon realize that these children often save you as much as you save them.
Justin R & R
A lot of people have asked me about my brother Justin who has for the last nine months been serving in Iraq with the 101st Airborne. Anyone who knows Justin knows that while he is very serious about his duties in the army...for the most part he is a little kid trapped in a 6 foot 4 body.
This Feb. he was able to come home for his mid-tour leave, which gave my mother the opportunity to film the kid side of him.
She put together a small silly video of him playing around with his cell, his replica lightsaber, (you know it is oh so cool)and sucking all the helium out of his welcome home balloons (with some help of course). It is of course my hope that the kid will not be pounded out of him and seeing this side of him was absolutely wonderful!
This Feb. he was able to come home for his mid-tour leave, which gave my mother the opportunity to film the kid side of him.
She put together a small silly video of him playing around with his cell, his replica lightsaber, (you know it is oh so cool)and sucking all the helium out of his welcome home balloons (with some help of course). It is of course my hope that the kid will not be pounded out of him and seeing this side of him was absolutely wonderful!
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